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This is a case of avoiding responsibility. A striking number of people who have recently split up from a relationship blame their ex for the state they find themselves in. This is a clear indication of failing to take responsibility for your own actions and their outcomes.
If you’re doing this, then you need to become aware of this behaviour so that you can neutralize it. Failing to do so will seriously hinder you when it comes to growing a healthy, mature and responsible character.
Think about it this way: imagine you set off to a dental appointment. You’re driving and, with one thing and another you have exactly the right amount of time to reach your appointment in time.
However as soon as you join the road you realise that it’s busy with traffic. Worse, at least half the people driving appear to be stupid. There are simply too many drivers on the road and they’re making you late.
But are they really making you late? Is this how you see it? Do you start cursing them? If so then this is another way of avoiding responsibility for your own actions.
The truth is that you are responsible for your situation in one way or another. You left with just the right amount of time. You didn’t factor in that there would be other drivers on the road. In fact perhaps you thought you’d be the only one on the road, which in this case turned out to be unrealistic.
People generally adopt this behavior unconsciously. They’re not fully aware of what they’re doing, hence they don’t stop. However, being at the mercy of this behavior means that you’re always going to be a victim: it’s always going to be somebody else’s fault.
Similarly, do you blame your ex for the things that happen to you? Do you blame your ex for the way things are for you right now?
Consider this: what if your ex blamed you for the way things are for her (or him) right now? What would you say to that? You’d probably think they’re were being unrealistic if not downright stupid.
Whatever happens to your ex right now is nothing to do with you. And this works the other way round too: whatever happens to you now is nothing to do with your ex.
So stop blaming your ex for your current situation and stop acting like a victim. You’ll find that when you decide to take control of your situation you will make decisions that help you move forward in the direction you want to go.