Ending a relationship

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Ending a relationship is a heart-wrenching affair when not just love but friendship is at stake: it’s never pleasant, even in the most platonic relationships, but you must make sure to keep one thing intact.

In the final stages of the relationship breakdown things can get ‘ugly’ as different stresses build up, where even our lover’s quirks and traits – the very things that once made them ‘cute’ – become magnified under a microscope of criticism, adding to an ever-growing list of annoyances, which reinforce our reasons (whatever they are) to end the relationship.

It is during these times that tempers can fly and harsh words can be exchanged or blurted out when emotions run high and get the best of us.

When this happens, when you’re in the heat of the moment and your lover is screaming at you or hurling abuse, stop and ask yourself: do I want to be remembered as the ‘idiot/weakling/a**hole etc)?

It may seem like a far-fetched question, especially at the time, but perhaps you’ve already experienced this once or more times when you’ve found yourself at either end of an ending relationship. Perhaps you accused your partner of this and that, unfounded accusations, out of jealousy or desperation or both. Perhaps you regretted it later – not because of your ex partner, but because of how it makes YOU look.

Some ending relationships are beyond salvaging, so whether you accuse your ex partner to be of anything or not, won’t make any difference to the outcome (i.e. the relationship ending). It will, however, make a difference to your image, perhaps from thereon.

People talk, and the world is a small place. Those 2 facts combined make it a good enough reason to exit an ending relationship with your head held high and with your dignity intact. If you end kicking and screaming, you never know when this will come back to haunt you.

I recently watched a random episode of sex and the city where the main characters (four women) are having lunch at a bar and a potential date in the form of a male walks into the bar. Instantly the women are drawn to the man and show interest, until one of them realises that she has dated this man before, years later. She looks at him, looks away quickly and warns her friends: forget it, he’s a total a**hole.

Those words were all the other 3 women needed to completely switch off. It was a great example of how powerful peer validation is: if your friends don’t approve, then there’s a high chance that you won’t either.

For men, when it comes to validation, women who hang around in groups can be a nightmare: generally, they need social proof from their target’s friends before they can even be considered as a potential mating partner. And this is without having done anything wrong!

Imagine then, if you have something hanging over your head, an ‘event’ like a nasty breakup. Remember: people talk. If you did something, people will remember you for it.

Thus, when ending a relationship, keep your dignity intact (as best you can).

Check Out J Riley’s Breakup Book

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