- 1 Accept the fact that you don’t control your ex girlfriend and stop suffering over what she does
- 2 Make a decision: either let time deal with the painful emotions of your break up or learn how to move on
- 3 Embrace the fact that you’re single and focus on building a new better you
- 4 Reinvent yourself
- 5 Rekindle old relationships with friends and get your social life back on track to restore your emotions
- 6 Learn a new skill, pick up a new hobby or resume an old one that you’re passionate about
- 7 Set some goals and raise the bar
- 8 Prepare for a new healthier relationship
- 9 Summary
So your ex girlfriend has moved on. And you haven’t…
I’ve been there, done that, and I made it my mission to figure out how to get over her after she moved on. And you can do the same, even if you had a bad breakup.
In this guide, I’ll walk you through the process.
Let’s start by facing a hard truth:
Accept the fact that you don’t control your ex girlfriend and stop suffering over what she does
The reason you’re all hung up about your ex moving on has little to do with your ex, and a lot to do with you.
Once you acknowledge this fact, you’ll stop feeling powerless. The fact is that you’re suffering over what another person is choosing to do with their time, and you know that’s ridiculous.
Imagine your neighbour is on a date. Does it bother you? If it does, something is very wrong. You know you don’t control other people any more than they control you.
Imagine now that you discover your neighbour is driving himself into a depression over the things you do. WTF, right?
When you realise it’s not her actions that are making you suffer, but your reaction to them, you realise that you’re the only person who can stop this cycle.
And it needs to stop now.
Make a decision: either let time deal with the painful emotions of your break up or learn how to move on
Now that we’re clear that the power to end your suffering does not belong to another person, it’s time to make a decision.
You must consciously choose to move on. Not making a decision is what keeps you in emotional limbo. You can’t actually move on without deciding to move on in the first place.
The only other option is to let time heal you. Everything does come to pass in due time, but why would you want to drag this horrible feeling out?
If you choose to take charge of your life and get over your breakup as fast as possible, then make sure you read my guide on how to get over your ex girlfriend.
When I went through my own break up there was no online advice or savvy friends I could lean on. I had to do a lot of soul searching to figure my way out and thrive.
If you really want to shortcut your way out of this and grow into a superior man, invest in my book where I lay out the entire process systematically.
It’s one thing getting over a break up, it’s quite another building a healthy relationship. That takes emotional maturity.
Embrace the fact that you’re single and focus on building a new better you
Forget about a rebound relationship. This is not the time to get emotionally involved with anybody. You’re simply not up to the task of building a happy relationship right now. It will end up badly and – at worse – you’ll end up going from relationship to relationship, wasting your time and everybody else’s.
Instead, use this period of time in your life wisely, because I can assure you one thing: you’ll miss single time when it’s gone again.
You have some work to do getting rid of those negative feelings and now you have the time to do it. Become awesome again before you step back into the world.
Now’s a great time to take stock of your physical health and set up a routine for yourself. I invested in an exercise and diet plan that helped me transform my body in around twelve weeks.
I also invested time watching documentaries on philosophy, psychology, and even cooking and began to grow as a person.
I filled my time with learning and exercise, and I couldn’t have done this and grown so much in such a short period of time if it hadn’t been for that ‘lonely time’.
Embrace this time and make the most of every moment.
It’s time to shed your old skin. Ditch clothes and items that you wore in your previous relationship. Either buy new clothes or look in your wardrobe for old clothes you haven’t worn in a while.
The goal is to feel different. Or like the old you.
If money is a thing right now, don’t sweat it. You can usually pick up cool items of clothing in charity shops.
Tip: visit charity shops in affluent, well-to-do areas for the best stuff.
A change of hair style is also a great idea. If you wear your hair short or shaved, experiment with a goatee, or go clean shaven if you already have one of those.
Again, the aim here is to look and feel different, so when you look in the mirror you don’t look like the guy who was in the broken relationship. You’re visually disassociating yourself from your recent past.
Don’t be tempted to hang on to clothes you like – especially clothes that your ex may have bought you. These can be a constant reminder and painful mementos of your recent past.
The exception here is if you have the mental ability to break the connection between the clothing item and your ex. For example, if you love a jacket she bought you and that jacket has become a part of your look, and you don’t ever think of it as her gift, then that’s a good way to determine what to keep.
That said, there are mental benefits to changing your clothes and doing so will make it easier to see yourself as a new you.
Now is a good time to start contacting old friends and getting those old friendships back on track. Don’t hesitate or try to second guess what your friends may think or say, and don’t feel guilty or stupid if you feel you walked away from them during your relationship with your ex.
It happens to the best of us and it’s part of life. Your friends won’t ignore you when you return. If they do, then they weren’t friends worth having.
Contact them all and see how they react, and use that as a test to redefine your friendships.
Avoid any mutual friend for now – anybody with a link to your ex girlfriend should be avoided. You will naturally be curious and tempted to ask about her, or be wondering if your friend is reporting back to her.
Either way, it will derail your progress and you could end up feeling worse.
Focus on doing things that generate positive emotions for you. That includes hanging out with people who help keep those positive emotions going.
Going out again socially in a group will build your confidence and make you feel good about life in general. This is when you’ll really start to realise the benefits of being single, so allow yourself enjoy them while you can.
Learn a new skill, pick up a new hobby or resume an old one that you’re passionate about
Keeping your mind busy during your breakup recovery period is key. Nothing dulls breakup pain better than a busy mind.
Learning a new skill will help you create a distraction. Additionally, you’ll be benefitting from the skill. Now that you have free time, immersed yourself in that skill you always wanted to learn.
If you want to maximise the value of your time, pick a skill that is relevant to today’s marketplace.
If the skill you want to learn is not really something employers are falling over themselves to acquire, don’t sweat it. As long as it helps you scratch an itch or fulfil a wish, go for it and enjoy it.
If you fancy the idea of becoming a solopreneur and generating your own income, then go with an online skill that will help you achieve that.
Make sure you also add fun to the mix to break up your days in a balanced way. A hobby can be just the thing. If you fancy trying something new, go for it. Otherwise, if you enjoyed a hobby before you got into a relationship, now is a great time to revive it.
Quick tip: engage in activities that have no emotional links to the recent past.
Set some goals and raise the bar
As your self-esteem returns and you start to feel good about being alive, set some time aside to revisit your goals.
Challenge yourself to be better. Set high goals. Remember the old adage: it’s better to aim for the moon and hit the mud than aim for the mud and hit the mud.
Having goals will help you achieve a sense of purpose and direction in your life. You’ll start to realise how far you’ve come when other people around you mention how much you’ve changed (for the better).
Don’t get bogged down trying to think of goals. The aim is to do things you want to do. It’s all about making life fun again.
Prepare for a new healthier relationship
It won’t be long once you’ve turned things around that people will begin to notice you. At this stage in the process you should have a clear direction in your life, you should be engaged in active learning and having fun with a hobby that you love.
You should also be socially active, spending time with good friends and going out with them.
All of these things will help you become a confident man. Moreover, you will exude that confidence in your body language and the things you say.
That self confidence and self belief are strong attractive traits that other people value.
As you hit the social scene with friends, others from the opposite sex will begin to notice you and gravitate toward you.
This is the perfect time to start thinking about dating again.
If your friends are not available – or you’re lacking in friends – then online dating is the ideal solution for you.
Even if you have plenty of friends, you may just want to give online dating a try. It’s a lot cheaper and faster than real world trial and error and you’ll have access to a much bigger pool of potential partners that you simply would not have if you rely on meeting people on a night out.
When I recovered from my own breakup, I found that my friends were all busy with their own lives and it was difficult to arrange a meet up. And so, I turned to online dating.
However, I soon discovered that there are certain rules at play in the mating game online, and without knowledge I wasn’t able to strike up a conversation beyond a sentence or two.
I made it my goal to crack the online dating game and I spent a good few months devising and testing tactics until I could condense the entire strategy to a single page.
You can learn that strategy and become a master of online dating by reading my book: online dating success
If you’re suffering because your ex has moved on with her life, you need to accept the fact that, right now, you’re not emotionally mature.
The fact is that you do not control your ex – or other people – and suffering over what she chooses to do or say is ridiculous.
A simple exercise that will help you is imagining your neighbour being anxious and unable to sleep because of the things that you choose to do.
Take this as a sign that you need to work on yourself. Do not think about getting into another relationship, because you’re simply not ready for one.
Accept that the urge to get into a new relationship is based on your ex moving on. Realise that it’s not a race, and that your ex may well be on a rebound relationship (and we all know how well those turn out).
Instead, take this lull in your life as a perfect opportunity to learn about yourself and improve in order to grown into a more savvy and mature man. This is worth your while as it will serve you well for life and help you build a solid long term relationship with a better partner.