Getting back your ex is probably the most experienced desire for most people following a breakup. But of course, wanting to get back with your ex is normally an anxious desire, as opposed to a goal or ambition.

When hoping or wishing desperately to be back with an ex partner, it’s easy to blank out important information and even the obvious.

Stop. Take a minute to THINK a little deeper about what you want. To get back with your ex is the outcome you want, so keep that in your mind as the LAST thing – the end goal if you like. Now take a look at everything else between you and the goal.

Keep in mind this very simple idea: if you broke up because of something that you did – for instance, a certain behaviour – then what do you think will happen if you go back to your ex and present the same old you? Well, if you do this, the deal hasn’t changed (for your ex partner). You’re proposing to re-start a relationship that wasn’t working in the first place.

If the breakup was due to stressful relations between you and your partner, the same idea still applies: if you present the same old you, you’re still proposing to rekindle a nightmare.

It’s not going to work.

Instead, THINK about why things turned out the way they did. Think about them and then come up with ways to FIX those issues. How can you change, or what can you do to change this?

Forget at this stage about blaming your ex for the breakup – if you can’t get over those issues, then you shouldn’t be trying to get back with your ex… it will only be a matter of time before those bottled-up issues surface and cause mayhem.

Think about YOU and the things that you can do to become a better, more together person.

When you do, decide the things you need to do to achieve this: read, study, attend a course or a seminar… whatever, and do it!

Then, when you are a better person, think about whether you still want to get back with your ex. If you do, then go for it.

The important thing is that you will be presenting a different person – not the same old you. This is the way to do it.

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