My ex dumped me, so will I suffer the most?

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For some, getting over an ex (girlfriend or boyfriend) can be a traumatic experience, for most, breaking up a relationship is not a pleasant affair.

There is a common assumption amongst some people that whoever ends the relationship will fare better – will suffer less – or not at all – whereas the dumped partner will be the one with all the baggage.

This can lead to a ‘race to be the one who dumps the other’ type scenario, which in itself is not a good thing to carry around in your head (how is your relationship going to last if you’re thinking about dumping her first? You’ll be looking for signs that tell you when it’s time to dump your partner…)

The truth is that it doesn’t matter who dumps who – whether you end the relationship with your girlfriend or boyfriend has little or no bearing on how well you will handle the breakup. After the end of a relationship, there will be much thinking and brooding from both ex partners… and you can almost always expect to feel a little down after your breakup if:

  • you were with your ex for some time
  • you spent a lot of time with your ex
  • you did everything together with your ex
  • you lived with your ex
  • you cheated on your ex
  • you lied to your ex

The above points are only some of the reasons why you may feel down in the dumps or have an attack of ‘the blues’ after a failed relationship.

The bottom line is that how close you were to your girlfriend (or boyfriend) is usually a major factor in your healing process after a breakup. By ‘close’ I don’t just mean affectionate or lovable – I also mean close in the physical space sense of the word (not necessarily in a loving relationship, but nonetheless always together – even in a hate / hate relationship each partner usually has a dependency on the other).

If you had no real emotional attachment to your ex, you may not miss her (or him) personally but rather miss the routine you had, the closeness to another human being, the sharing, the company, the intimacy etc.

The downside of this is that missing the routine you had with somebody is the same feeling as missing your ex, so there’s little way to differentiate between the 2 states.

However, if you were dumped by your ex, rest assured that – unless your ex had no real feelings for you or has partnered up with somebody else – you’re not the only one down in the dumps.

The key is always to work yourself out of the gutter – to pick the pieces up and start again.

Check Out J Riley’s Breakup Book

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