My ex girlfriend wont speak to me

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“My ex girlfriend won’t speak to me! Me and my ex girlfriend have been dating for over 6 months now, and it was an amazing relationship – everything was just right. Now, all over a sudden, she breaks up with me and she won’t even speak to me! I don’t know what went wrong, what I did to upset her but she just tells me to stop texting her and stop ringing her and she gets mad when I try to contact her. This all happened when her parents found out about us and I know she was trying to keep it from them. I love her so much and I don’t know what to do”.

J says:

The bad news is that there is very little you can do. If your ex girlfriend won’t talk to you, then you can’t force her to. You are the only person you have control over; your ex girlfriend – for whatever reason – has made a decision and only she can change that decision.

It doesn’t sound like you got a clean break, but people seldom do. It also seems that you’re spending a lot of time thinking about this, covering all the angles, playing scenes from the past over and over in your mind until you find something – anything – that may explain why your ex broke up with you so suddenly. It sounds like you may have been shut out with not much explanation. But you already know in your heart of hearts and all this thinking will achieve very little… or nothing.

The truth is that there is not much point trying to ‘guess’ what really happened. Find out the facts and put it to rest, or accept what happened and put it to rest – but don’t second guess.

You mention she was trying to keep your relationship secret from her parents, and that they found out. It seems likely that this has something to do with her reaction. The fear of letting parents down is hard to overcome for some people – it’s not unlike peer-pressure, where you may act in ways that are out of character in order to earn the approval of your peers (it may well be that her decision has nothing do with you personally). But even if we assume that her parents are the reason for her behaviour, this still doesn’t change the situation at all.

You’re going to have to accept what happened. Don’t sit around and brood any more than you have to: do your ‘time’, reflect, learn whatever you can and then get back on track.
Your ex girlfriend may one day tell you what really happened for her to decide to break up with you, but even so, don’t bank on this being the truth – she may tell you what you want to hear instead.
There is much work to do when it comes to picking up the pieces, and this is what this site is all about. Take a look at the articles in this resource and make sure you download your copy of How To Get Over Your Ex.

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