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In order to move on from any event in life – namely splitting up with your partner – you need to shed the past: that is, after all, where the events ‘live’. The reason some people get ’stuck’ and build resentment, stress and even illness over something is simply that they keep on playing the event in their minds – they are re-visiting the past, over and over, and creating suffering (a subset of stress) within them.
Suffering = stress!
Think about this for a moment: remember a time when you were happy before you met your ex girlfriend (or boyfriend). Perhaps you were single. Life was different then: it may have revolved around spending time with friends, going out, doing things for yourself and much more…
Think now of how old you are. You have been alive all these years – probably been independent for some time.
Think now of how long you were in a relationship with your ex-partner. Compared to how long you have been alive, your relationship is probably a drop in the ocean (in terms of time). How then, can somebody whom you have met so ‘briefly’ – in the grand scheme of your life – hijack your feelings in this way and make you feel like your life isn’t worth living?
The answer is pretty straightforward. Simply put: it’s all in your head!
It’s time to put the past behind you!
We get attached to people and situations throughout our lives. This is the basis of addiction (we can get addicted to:
- ex girlfriends
- ex boyfriends
- ex wives (and husbands)
- … anything!
Thankfully this process is not random: it is simply the result of certain mental processes which you can control! Russian behavioural psychologist Ivan Pavlov first described the phenomenon now known as classical conditioning. He made dogs salivate every time they heard a bell ring. Over time and through repetition, the dogs simply associated the sound of the bell ringing with feeding time. This is the very same mental process by which we attach meanings and feelings to people and situations.
They say knowledge is power. Knowing and understanding the process by which we get attached to ex-partners (and anything else) is a powerful thing… it means we can reverse engineer the addiction and break the behaviour.
Check Out J Riley’s Breakup Book
Visit the homepage to see where you can buy The Breakup for Men