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Getting over a breakup is bad enough. So you’d think recovering from a bad breakup is even worse, right?
The reality is that a breakup is a breakup. it doesn’t matter if it was a bad breakup or a good breakup.
In fact, let me ask you: what is a good breakup?
In this session, I’m going to connect the dots and show you how to move on with life with a proven blueprint.
Let’s get to it.
How to get over a horrible breakup
So you didn’t part ways with your ex on good terms. Well, don’t feel too bad because that’s how must of us exit from a relationship.
But let’s continue.
People who refer to their parting of ways with a partner as a bad breakup are usually thinking about how they feel, and when it comes to feelings, they think in terms of pain, heartbreak, and any number of negative emotions relating to sadness.
And I get it. There’ s nothing quite like rejection from the opposite sex to get a guy down. It robs you off your self-esteem and fills your mind with anger and suffering.
But living like this is not helpful, even if it’s for just a short period. Grief offers a chance to learn, but misery can affect your psychology long-term.
In fact, it’s the way we think about the way we feel that convinces us that the breakup was the worst thing ever, when in fact it was just a parting of ways.
So let’s not give this negative energy time to fester and grow. Let’s instead focus on protecting our brain and health by working to change our mood.
You’ll see why this is important right now:
How to get over someone fast
The is usually the goal in a guy’s mind when they’re hurt. And it’s a good goal – it’s an action-oriented question. How to get through this faster than I’m experiencing.
Here’s how the process begins…
There are habits you can practice and, eventually, integrate into your every day routine that can help you recover faster than if you just wallowed around all the time yearning for your ex to return.
Don’t be the person who does nothing, otherwise expect an addiction to this feeling of pain to become a daily thing for a long time.
Get active. It’s all part of the recovery process.
This is a great time to contact friends and talk to people you love and care about; people who actually make a difference in your life. If you neglected any of those relationships then now is the time to bring those guys back into your life.
And if distance or time is an issue for them, use the phone.
Just remember not to appear sad and give them a hard time with your story, especially if you haven’t spoken to them in months. You’ll turn them off and they’ll soon start to avoid your calls if you do.
Doing physical activities is also a great way to blow off some steam. When you’re busy puffing and panting, you’re too busy to be grieving. Get into a routine and stick to it for at least 7 days to make it stick.
Moving on from your ex requires action
The next healthy habit you can and should integrate into your daily routine is exercise.
Trust me on this.
Other things that you need to implement, include:
- get rid of any reminders in order to break from the past
- don’t stalk your ex on social media
You need to make a decision to stop the above, and anything else that you’re obsessive about if it’s harmful to you, if you want thing to get easier.
So why do all these things?
The point of all this activity is to rebuild your self-esteem. When you have a healthy dose of self-esteem, the world looks and feels different. You interpret things and react to things differently. So even rejection can feel like water off a duck’s back.
Self-esteem in turn builds confidence, and that comes with a sack-full of benefits.
That’s why we do things that are positive and we enjoy, such as hanging out with friends. If you’re overly introverted then do the things that you enjoy: read (just don’t read love stories and don’t go online to read about breakups). Even journaling can help, if you’re that way inclined.
Your job is not to make every day perfect, but to find ways to occupy yourself. Staying idle usually leads to replaying painful memories in your mind, which is the last thing you want to do right now.
Travelling can also be a great distraction. Visiting somewhere new will give your mind plenty to get think about.
I don’t recommend dating just know. You’re not emotionally ready to get into another relationship right now. If you do, then it will be at the cost of your own self development. This is the time for self-realisation and introspection. It’s during times of hardship that we grow.
So the thing to do right now is to focus on rebuilding your self-esteem.
Who gets over a breakup faster, men or women?
I hope you’re not asking this question. I really do. Not only is this not a race, but thinking about your ex will undo all your progress.
Let me share a secret with you: if you’re thinking about your ex, you’re not thinking about you. Those who understand this simple rule heal faster.
Be one of those people.
If you’re keeping yourself in the past, you’re not dealing with the present. Live in the now. Make that your special rule and deal only with your stuff.
If you find it difficult not to think of her, then find things that you know will distract you; anything that helps breaking your pattern of thoughts is good. Just don’t fall into the trap of self pity and looking where you can place blame. None of that matters now; those were all moments in the past, not in the here and now.
Focus on fun, play games if you have to, chat with your parents or family you care about, study something new, watch movies, take it easy and forget about closure. This is not rocket science. It’s just you adjusting to being single again.
Let me reiterate: you’re not broken. This is simply your re-entry path into being single.
If you want to know how to let go of someone you love, look at what women do
If you find self-entertainment a real struggle, of you just don’t have the mental fortitude right now, then here’s a tip: look at what women do.
I don’t mean to be stereotypical here, but the classic approach is to go shopping.
Some women have this ‘thing’ called shopping therapy. The basis is that, when you buy something for yourself, when you treat yourself, you feel good. It’s a simple yet effective strategy. It gets you out of the house, so to speak, and you get to gift yourself new stuff.
Now, I’m not talking about getting into debt, and I’m also not suggesting that you run away from the reality of your situation. I’m just being practical. If what the opposite sex does helps you in any way, do it yourself.
One of the easiest things you can do is treat yourself to some new clothes so that you’re not walking around with anything that may have an emotional connection to your recent past.
Changing your hairstyle can also help. A change right now is good. Reinvent yourself. Come up with a new image for yourself so that when you look in the mirror you’re not looking at the guy who you associate with failure and low self-esteem.
Here is a video is a video summary:
Getting over a bad breakup can be as easy or as hard as you make it. You can try to figure out your way our of this, or you can take a systematic approach to deal with what happened and focus on being happy again sooner.
Spending your time wallowing in self-pity is not going to help you move on from the past any quicker, so don’t do it. Instead, immerse yourself in study and anything that can hold your attention and improve your brain and body. This will offer a welcome distraction from your situation and help you stay focused on your own personal development.
List all the things that you loved doing in the past and bring them back. Create a new routine you can follow every day. Get a friend involved if you need accountability. Finding new things to do – within reason – can also help give you a new purpose.
Realise that the source of your happiness starts within you, and that means you can control your state. And being in control is the very first thing you need to go to be able to move on.