How to stop thinking about an ex – this appears to be one of the most searched for relationship and breakup answers. The irony is that it really has nothing to do with relationships or breakups or being dumped… it has to do only with thought management – how you manage your own internal dialogue.

Many recently (and not so recently) dumped singles struggle by on an emotional roller coaster because they seem to be unable to stop thinking about their ex girlfriends and (or) boyfriends.

Moreover, many people go on suffering for a long time – needlessly! – because of a very simple but common mistake: by looking for the answer externally. Most people in this position look at the relationship, at their ex partner, at everything… they analyze every detail of what went on, what was said, what was thought… and they play those movies in their mind, time and again, achieving nothing much other than reliving the bad stuff.

The only place you need to look is inside. The thoughts are originating from the inside.

Wasn’t that easy? OK, so now you know where the thoughts are coming from (you knew this all along… you just needed a little reminder…). The next thing is: how to deal with this – how to actually stop yourself from constantly thinking about your ex.


Here’s a golden nugget: you can only consciously hold on to and focus on ONE thought at any one time. So what’s the deal? To stop thinking about an ex – or about anything else! – simply… stop!

Before you say, “but I can’t…” let’s take a minute out from reality and face a few facts.

  • nobody is making you think your thoughts
  • you’re thinking about your ex, because YOU are thinking about your ex – not because somebody else is making you think about her or him

The only key step here is to become aware of your thoughts and to take responsibility for them. They’re you’re thoughts, after all.

Start monitoring yourself, listening out for those thoughts… and as soon as they enter your conscious, replace them.

That’s it.

Find something that works for you to replace them with. Examples are:

  • a short affirmation (”I am cool, awesome and great”)
  • white noise (”blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh”)
  • an unrelated scene from the past that feels good to you
  • an unrelated scene from the future that feels good to you
  • nothing

You really have a lot of choices here. Remember, you’re only replacing ONE single thought. There is sound theory behind this seemingly simplistic technique, which shows that the synaptic response in the brain can be collapsed through repetition in exactly the same way that it was created and maintained… by you.

But for now, just accept that this is the way the mind works.

Do it, and stop thinking about your ex.

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