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Many relationships fail, this much is obvious. But why do relationships fail?
Whilst it may seem that this question has many answers since there are many types of relationships and many excuses given as reasons for the failure of those relationships, you may be surprised to realise that the reasons why relationships fail very few.
I’m going to discuss here (briefly) perhaps the main reason why relationships fail.
So what makes relationships fail?
One word: accountability.
What do I mean by accountability? Simply this: in business, you must account for every bit of money in and out (hence the name accounts). In a relationship, accountability refers to knowing where your partner is, and more importantly, what they’re up to.
This can sound like Big Brother to some, but it’s the bottom line. It is also one of the main reasons why relationships fail.
How do relationships fail without accountability?
Imagine you’re taking care of five children for the day. What is your biggest worry? What will cause you stress? The children doing something that not supposed to do. Be it smoking, or playing by the railway, or talking to strangers etc. Some of those scenarios will get you in trouble, and some could potentially lead to something very nasty happening.
So how do you all will come this obstacle? How do you reduce your worry and your stress? You do this by knowing where the children are at all times. If you know were they are ( playing in the living room, or in the garden, or in a field, or at a friends house) then you also know they’re not playing by the railway, or talking to strangers etc… The children’s whereabouts and moves are accounted for.
In adult terms, there are always going to be gaps in space and time. This is where trust comes into play. However, it is still important to have accountability. The girlfriend who disappears for 3 days and returns as though nothing is out of the norm, creates an anomaly in terms of accountability. Where was she? The boyfriend who pops out for an hour and returns later in the evening without so much as a shrug also create an anomaly.
It is not the fact that the boyfriend or girlfriend are missing for periods of time which cannot be accounted for that cause relationships to fail – although this can cause stress within the relationship – but rather the fact that anything that can cause the relationship to break down, such as cheating on a partner, being unfaithful, even flirting with or dating other people etc… can only take place during period of time which are not accounted for. In other words: you can only cheat on your partner if your partner doesn’t know where you are.
Creating a little mystery can be both attractive and appealing at the very beginning of the courtship, but in a relationship, mystery equates to grey areas. If a person has nothing to hide in a relationship, then that person should have no issue accounting for their times and whereabouts – its natural to speak to our partners about the things that we do in our time apart.
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